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What defines a hardcore moto-traveller?

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Lisa and Jason from Two Wheeled Nomad, inspired by their years of living on the road, have put together a list on what they believe makes you a proper ‘adventure-rider’! WARNING -  contains funny stuff...

You’re a real moto-traveller if:

  • When you’ve ran out of toilet roll, it’s goodbye socks.
  • The 80 mile tow back.
  • Your reaction to cold showers is “Oooh, the water pressure’s good!”
  • You’re always on the scrounge for plastic bags and get excited about those ones with strong handles. And Zip-lock bags are the future; they rock your world. (A wild criterion, we know)
  • Sourcing a truck for your broken bike when marooned on the roadside just becomes a routine formality.
  • Getting blown off the road in gusting winds, missing a wild animal racing across your path by a hair’s breadth at 50mph and negotiating 75 gravel hairpin bends in the space of eight hours, is just a normal day.
  • You’ve experienced enough coffee, milk and boxed wine explosions inside your pannier so you’ll ride no distance without brown parcel tape or an equivalent.
  • You’ve been towed bike-to-bike at least once.
  • There’s no length to which you won’t go in order to smuggle your ‘five a day’ fruity lovelies across a country’s border.
  • You’ve mastered the ‘Survival’ level in a foreign language; precisely enough to ask for what you need but not enough to understand the response.
  • Keeping schtum, playing dumb or even ‘not quite there’ in front of a fake cop has become the norm to prevent these time-stealers hindering your riding day.
  • Like in the film Avatar, you fuse naturally with your motorcycle like a mythical Greek creature; half man, half moto.
  • You love your wheels like a person, sometimes more than your peachy partner.
  • When your ‘marvellous other’ informs you that your moto-trousers reek of ‘crotch’, you casually dismiss it but wonder why that just doesn’t bother you.
  • Rocking up to a civilised establishment like a cafe, with a face smeared in dirt doesn’t compel you to seek soap and water first. You place your food order with the ‘afternoon shadow’ and then locate the toilets.
  • You are convinced that you’re the cat with 99 lives having been saved from yourself by your moto-angel more times that you’ve had hot dinners.
  • When your instinctive reaction to crashing is, ‘Bloody hell, I hope my bike’s okay and still rideable’ before checking for personal injuries.
  • Outrageous flirting has become a highly entertaining pastime, even if it means you’re only saving a resultant $3 USD off your room.
  • You’re (as a woman) prepared to display all levels of feminine charms—like wildly waving your hair around and over-the-top giggling—knowing they’ll often work wonders as distraction techniques with male traffic police insistent on seeing your full complement of papers.
  • You can summon real tears in erupting a mini thunder storm on your face so as to rapidly retrieve your parcel of moto-parts from the clerk in foreign customs.
  • You’d rather sleep rough next to your motorcycle than take a comfy bed and leave your wheels unsupervised on the street.   This will do nicely for the night
  • Better still, you’d rather park your wheels in your room for the night.
  • Flashing your blindingly white backside while crouched near a busy motorway is something you’ve become increasingly comfortable with when nature calls.
  • You’ve dined on pasta with jam or rice coated in mustard at least twice.
  • You consider home as anywhere you kick the side-stand down.

The 80 mile tow back

The 80 mile tow back!

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